my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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