You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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