Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
