that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
