Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
