Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize