he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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