wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
