Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
