So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
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We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
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Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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