Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
