the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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