Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
