I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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