alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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