We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Someone shit on the floor
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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