She is in my trunk
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
