I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
