You smell like a Billy Joel song
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
