My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
