32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
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mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
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We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I love you.
Bad choice
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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