Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Dick very happy bro
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
