And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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