It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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