She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
