pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
