If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
