And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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