...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
