Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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