I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
