omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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