Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
