how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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