my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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