I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
