saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
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Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
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I smell like gasoline and adventure.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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