just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
