I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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