it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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