Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
