my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
