Jerry, you need to find god
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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