I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Bring me that man meat
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
