Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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