I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
