my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
