At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
