..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
well most of my day revolves around power hour
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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