so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
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So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
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For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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