This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
