went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
