Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
