Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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