It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
