i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
