I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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