You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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