if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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