I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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