he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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