Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
