So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
