google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
