Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
