Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
