Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
