Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
