as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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