His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize