As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
