Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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