Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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