how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
