the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
