Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
