garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
